Friday, February 18, 2011

The jouney from head to heart...

Over the past two years I've been on a journey.  A journey that I have discovered many of us are on whether we know it or not.  I call it the journey from my head to my heart.

Growing up in the church, I was raised knowing about God's law, his people, and his love. Knowledge is great, as someone who has a life-long love affair with learning I truly value intelligence and the power of knowledge.  However, knowledge is dead without tangibly *feeling* the love of God and resting in the peace of it in your heart.  When I say feeling, I definitely do not mean some charismatic roller coaster of over-emotionalized experiences with God - what I mean is an unwavering confidence that God is who He says He is and you are who He says you are.  Does that make sense?

I think this journey has been a long time coming for me, but when it really came to a head for me was when Grady was born - almost 2 1/2 years ago.  For me...when it comes to my kids, I want to live an authentic life.  Kids can see through any front you put up, they know whether you're being real or not and I never want to just go through the motions with them - especially on matters of faith.  I needed to experience the love of God that I knew I would be teaching them about and expecting them to believe in.  So knowing about it was no longer good enough for me.  Thus the beginning of my journey...

I am a crazy reader (not always in a good way) -- I typically read anywhere from 5-15 books at a time and soon I began collecting titles that all were all following a similar thread...

Crazy Love - one of my favorites
Transformed Into Fire  (probably the most life-changing of these books for me)
Captivating
Radical, Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream
One Thousand Gifts
What's So Amazing About Grace
Beth Moore's Bible Study: Esther
Beth Moore's Bible Study: Annointed, Transformed & Redeemed
So Long Insecurity - (so, so good)

There are more, I'm sure that I've left out a few.  I haven't finished reading all of these either....I don't for a minute credit books alone or more knowledge as the solution for the schism between head & heart, but for me these has a lot of practical ideas and made me think about my relationship with God and with the church...did I want to stay the same or was I ready for change...?

Another part of my journey that has been pivotal for me is meeting with my dear friend and *mentor,* Julie (I astrix this because mentor always sounds "old" to me but she's not old - although she is wise, she's young and fun and our talks are anything but boring and dry).  She has been a huge encouragement to me and has really helped me walk through a lot of the questions I've been asking and made a huge difference in not bogging myself down with guilt when I don't get "it" as quickly as I want to and during the times when this season of life is overwhelming and I can barely get through some days let alone find time to read the word.  She is also an amazing prayer warrior and I know that she has prayed for me and over me A. LOT. in the last two years - and taught me how to pray.

I've also started (meaning I have just 10 index cards done...) an index file of verses that talk about my (our) identity in Christ.  Verses like 1 John 3:1 "For how great is the love that the Father has lavished on me (us) that I (we) am called a child of God."  I put this on my kitchen window sill and it's a good reminder to me to stop and take stock of where I am throughout the day and if I've got my head on straight...I've also started meditating on these verses when I exercise, especially when I run - I just say the verse over and over again until I have it memorized...slowly these are starting to make their way from my head to my heart...

I can't say it's been an easy journey...or that it's over by any means, because I still have a LONG way to go..but I know I'm heading in the right direction. It can be convicting at times and feel uncomfortable. However - I know that God honors my prayers asking to feel his love, prayers to desire to spend time with him (not out of duty, but because I want to), and prayers to live an authentic faith...

Maybe some of you are on this journey too...what's helped you?

2 comments:

Joyful Momma said...

You are so lovely, Megan! What a journey and what an inspiration. Thank you for sharing. You are quite an encouragement.

Megan said...

Thanks Lexi! You are such an encouragement to me also. Thanks for your kind words!!

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